Let the Christmas games begin
This article is more than 8 years oldThe presents are under the tree, the turkey has been demolished… It’s time to play. Martin Love explains the rules to some silly games for you and all the family
Years ago my wife and I and some friends rented a farm cottage in Devon. It rained all week. Looking for something to do we spotted an ancient book propped up on a shelf. It was called, rather strangely, Phoebe and Nicholas, and was a guide to the etiquette and manners of hosting a party. It was packed with brilliantly outdated advice. Towards the end it suggested a few gentle games to help your guests mingle. One was called Run Piggy Run and I think it would have an immediate impact if you were to do it at your next party.
The directions were simple: “Usher everyone into the front room and leave them to make their introductions. After a few minutes release a greased piglet into the room. Imagine the fun. You’ll soon have everyone roaring.”
We’ve always loved games: the stranger the more hilarious. And when our family gets together it’s only a matter of time before tables are cleared, chairs are pushed back and the games begin. We play dozens over Christmas, from Taboo and Trivial Pursuit to Boggle and Panic Post.
These home-grown games have been polished and perfected over the years and are now yuletide ritualsWe’ve also developed a few unique ones of our own. These home-grown games have been polished and perfected over the years and are now yuletide rituals, not just for the children but for the grown-ups, too.
One of our favourites is Whose Pants Are These? Most people would find the idea of exposing their knickers to everyone in the room completely mortifying. To have to do it at the end of a long Christmas day, when your waistband feels like a tourniquet and your flimsy cracker hat is stuck to your damp forehead, would be the stuff of night sweats and silent jibbering…
But not for us. We love it. We roll around on the floor screeching and hooting. The game began spontaneously almost 20 years ago when my young daughter Liberty and her cousin Bryony started rooting around in all the holiday luggage piled up in the hall. They unearthed a pair of everybody’s pants – some clean, some not – and this alone caused delight and dismay in equal measure.
The two little ringmasters then each pulled on a pair and one at a time paraded through the room where we were all sitting. It was like some deranged fashion show. They’d handed out paper and pencils and we had to quickly scribble down who each pair of undies belonged to. The very large whites? Possibly one of the grandmother’s. The flossy G-string? Probably not my mother-in-law’s. The moth-eaten baggies? Definitely an uncle’s… We got our guesses down and after a lot of laughter and disbelief a winner was announced.
Since then, the game hasn’t really evolved at all. It’s not complicated; it is just silly. It’s not rude; it’s just sweetly innocent. Old pants, bizarre thongs, large undies, tiny triangles, even nappies all have their moment on the catwalk. Some years the dog gets dragooned in, too, as an extra model and she sashays through the crowd with her tail tucked into a pair of tighty whities, or maybe a toddler is led through with both legs wriggling inside some giant M&S boxers. The point, of course, is not the pants, or whose they are. The point is that we are all there, together, a family.
Here are some of the games we love to play…
Whose Pants Are These?
A riotous game of underwear and intrigue for all the family. Can you guess what’s usually under your uncle’s trousers?
Equipment and preparation One pair of pants per player (any style), paper, pen, festive music. (Tip: submit an anonymous pair as they are more confusing and harder to guess. Festive pants and non-authentic underwear is generally frowned upon by the purists.)
Aim To guess which pants belong to which person. It’s much harder that you would think. The winner is the person with the most correct answers. (Tip: winning this game doesn’t always cover you in glory and can raise eyebrows among younger players. Speaking as a veteran of the game and a middle-aged man I find it raises fewer questions not to score too highly. Another tip: don’t show too much curiosity in individual pants.)
Number of players The more the better, ideally between 15 and 45.
Suitable for All ages – a large generational spread is ideal.
Skill level Pretty low.
Rules Nominate two players to model the pants. Once all pants have been exhibited, swap your score sheet with your neighbour. The models then return to the room wearing the pants once again. Everyone shouts out whose they think they belong to. The models reveal the owner, they remove the underwear and hand them over. The owner then places the pants on their head. When everyone has their own pants on their head the game is over. Scores are totalled and the winner is announced.
The Cereal Box Game
A test of flexibility, mental strength and mouth action. If you can get your tongue to carpet level then you’ll excel at this game
Equipment and preparation An empty cereal box, scissors.
Aim To pick the box off the floor without using anything but your teeth and without putting your hands, knees, elbows, forehead down.
Number of players The more the merrier.
Suitable for All ages, though youngsters have a massive advantage. But it’s good to let them win at something…
Skill level Starts easy and becomes near impossible.
Rules Empty a cereal box and trim off the flaps. Stand it in the middle of the room. Starting with the youngest player, take turns to bend over and pick up the box with your teeth. You must not touch the floor with anything other than your feet. When everyone has had a turn, use the scissors to cut the top couple of inches off. Stand the box back in the middle and everyone who was successful last round has another go. Repeat until you reach the last centimetre or two of the box. Anyone still getting down and up with it clenched in their teeth is a winner. (Tip: there are two basic techniques: the forward split where you place one foot by the box and lower yourself down to it, supporting your weight on the front foot; or the “giraffe” (left) where you stand with your feet wide apart and hinge down from the waist.)
The Broom Trick
Are you a contortionist or a couch potato? Find out with this rib-tickling game of bendiness and balance
Equipment and preparation A broom. (Tip: if you have any trapped wind from lunch now is the time to expel it.)
Aim To perform a set series of ridiculous steps while holding the broom. The fun comes from watching other people struggling to do something which is so tricky – especially after a long lunch. (Tip: if you are pregnant this is a no.)
Number of players Everyone in the room.
Suitable for All ages (Tip: no one over 55 has ever done it in our family – a record set by Auntie Angie. But noble failure is much admired. Each year we look out for the vein on Uncle Dick’s head to bulge and for my sister-in-law Clare to fail at the first step. Maybe this will be her year.)
Skill level Totally heroic.
Rules Clear a circle in the room. Players take turns in age order, from the youngest upwards. Anyone who completes the steps is a winner, though the overall champion is the oldest person to do it. Hold the broom in front of you with your palms facing up. You may slide your hands up and down the handle, but you must not let go of it. First, step over the broom. Lift the broom over your shoulders and back to your chest. Place the brush end of the broom between your legs. Lift your right foot into the air, over the shaft and down to the floor between your arms. Move your left arm over your head and return to standing. Step your right leg back between your hands. You are now back where you started. Well done! Pass the broom to the next player.
Dip the Pen
A game of lavatorial technique calling for strong thighs and an unerring aim
Equipment and preparation A pen, string, empty wine bottle.
Aim To squat over an empty bottle and dip the end of the pen dangling from a string round your waist into the wine bottle.
Number of players Limitless. (Tip: if you holiday in rural France you’ll be good at this.)
Suitable for All ages, though if the players are very young you might want to substitute a shorter bottle.
Skill level A strain.
Rules This game can be played as a race down a line of bottles for several teams or in the round with each person having a go. Be sure the pen hangs from the player’s bottom to about knee height. They have to peer between their legs to direct the tip of the pen into the neck of the bottle. Once it’s in, stand up and let someone else have a go or, if it’s a race, move on to the next bottle. The fun comes from watching otherwise sensible people wearing their best party glad rags assuming such a compromising stance.
Do you and your friends and family play any really silly games? If so we’d love to hear from you. Send a description and an outline of the rules to us at magazine@observer.co.uk
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