A woman revealing her future brother-in-law's "shady" past to her family is being slammed online.
In a post to the Am I the A******? (AITA) subreddit, user u/ThrowRA-AITABIL said her younger sister (27) had recently gotten engaged.
Her sister has been dating the 23 year old for a year, and until now, her family has always gotten along well with him.
However, ThrowRA-AITABIL said the young man comes from a "rough background" and never talks about his past.
At a recent family event, her sister's fiancé "disappeared for a while." She bumped into him outside and found him emotional.
"He said it was a hard day for him due to negative associations," she wrote.
"He ended up offloading some quite shocking things from his past including that he has a history of very serious drug use (including needles) and that he has done sex work and p**n (men and women)," she continued.
Although she let her future brother-in-law cry on her shoulder, she admitted the conversation changed her perception of him, calling his history "shocking."
She told her sister what the fiancé had revealed to her. She was furious, telling the poster she was "fully aware" of his past troubles and that she still intended to marry him.
ThrowRA-AITABIL also told the rest of her family. After discovering that his secret was out, the fiancé called off the wedding, feeling that he was "not good enough" for the poster's sister.
Although her parents agreed that telling them was the "right thing to do," her sister is refusing to speak to her.
"I think it's naive to pretend that you see someone exactly the same way after finding out they're an addict," she wrote. "I'm concerned that my sister will get hurt and I don't think it's unreasonable for my family to have access to the same information I do, especially when they're inviting him to their homes and there are children around etc."
Reddit users were horrified by ThrowRA-AITABIL's actions, with the post receiving over 13,000 upvotes and more than 3,000 comments.
'Secrecy Is Often Used as a Form of Self-protection'
According to Hannah Dodd, content manager at Ark Behavioral Help, many people who struggle with addiction feel ashamed of their past.
Even after recovery, when a person has left their old lifestyle behind, they face the stigma attached to substance abuse.
"They might also struggle to know who's a safe space, and who's not," Dodd told Newsweek. "Secrecy about the past is often used as a form of self-protection."
Dodd said that substance abuse disorders are mental health conditions, and that sufferers have a right to privacy—not just while healing, but also as they rebuild their lives.
"It should be up to the person with the substance use disorder to choose to reveal anything about their past," she said. "This is a very personal decision with real impacts, and they deserve to make that decision alone when and if they want to share it with someone."
'No One Needed to Know Anything'
In the poll attached to the post, fellow Redditors slammed ThrowRA-AITABIL.
"What you did was garbage," said Embarrassed_Advice59.
"What a busybody. Quit causing trouble. No one needed to know anything," wrote ProfessionalTMlurker.
"I highly doubt she did it out of the goodness of her heart and more so that she can gossip," commented Bina101.
"I hope your sister never, ever talks to you again. You just imploded her life," said Summer_291.
Girabuca warned: "The deepest circle of Hell is reserved for the treacherous."
Newsweek reached out to u/ThrowRA-AITABIL for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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